Monica

Monica’s sons Marko, 9, and Nikolas, 3, were removed from her custody after a teacher reported bruises on Marko’s face.  Monica claimed the bruises were the result of rough play with Nikolas but ACS didn’t believe her and the children were placed in a kinship foster home with her mother. Born and raised in Romania, Monica, 30, had married the boys’ father when she was just a teenager (two weeks after meeting him). After they moved to the United States, he became addicted to heroin and she threw him out.  In 2007 he was in immigration prison in New Mexico and completely out of the picture. 

I always suspected there was more to Monica’s case than she shared. As the weeks passed, new facts would emerge that raised flags:  she was working nights as an escort; she was in a methadone treatment program; she had already had a run-in with ACS when Marko stabbed himself on a dirty hypodermic needle in their home and needed to be hospitalized.  I sensed there were even more things she wasn’t telling me.  I didn’t think she had physically abused her kids but thought there was probably some abandonment and neglect since she worked nights.

Monica was defiant and wouldn’t admit to any mistakes. She complained about how unjust everything was, that she hadn’t done anything wrong, and had been mistreated by the system.  She seemed to think that I would expose all of the wrongdoing and vindicate her in the public eye.

To make matters worse, she felt that her parents didn’t take good care of the children.  She said her father (who lived with her mother but was not the legal guardian of the kids) used too much physical force when punishing them.  And, even more disturbing, she accused her mother of having sexually abused her when she was a child and conspiring to have the children taken from her.  She had a very contentious relationship with her mother. They argued all the time about the children’s care. Even so, she agreed to have the boys placed with her mother because it was better than having them with strangers. She could visit them anytime and for as long as she wanted.  

Monica didn’t complete the mandated parenting course that was a condition of the boys’ release.  She missed too many classes.  She claimed the system made it impossible for her to succeed by requiring her to attend counseling on the other side of town on the same day.  In her defense, I think being a recent immigrant meant she wasn’t accustomed to our legal system and didn’t seem to understand the importance of even appearing to take accountability.  I wondered if her defiance and refusal to admit fault were partly cultural, which put her at a disadvantage in her dealings with the police and ACS.

Monica and I remained friends on Facebook and last summer I finally reconnected with her.  We met up for coffee on a hot afternoon in Brooklyn.  The transformation was remarkable.  She’d finally kicked her opiate addiction cold turkey and was working for a private detective, staking out people being investigated for insurance fraud.  She never regained custody of her sons.  They stayed with her parents until they aged out of the system and then moved back to Romania where they live with relatives.  Her relationship with them is strained.